This may sound very cliche and frankly I don't know if I am even saying the right things, but sometimes I look at my life; the routines I've put myself into and often I see myself and others to be victims of a cluttered mind. I see us either brooding over a past which we cant change or awaiting a future that we cant predict. And often so many of us postpone happiness because of an event that's occurred which perhaps means that we "shouldnt be happy" or because we expect an event that'd "make us happy". I wonder how many moments of happiness I've lost in life trying to chase these pipe dreams, when all I should have done was follow my bliss; when I've always known that the only time I can surely be happy is NOW.
I make this resolve to myself very often - that I'd seek happiness; that I'd seek out my smile no matter the situation, but I have also been guilty of not standing by my resolve. I sometimes think of everything in my life; my passion for teaching, my love of the outdoors, the pleasures of reading, the thrill of visiting new places, meeting new people, seeing new cultures; and the beautiful moments that I have had with my parents, my friends, my wife, my dog (!) and I wonder how those moments of sadness even made their way into my life.
And that brings me to a few overloaded words - responsibility, commitment, relationships. What good is responsibility if it weighs you down? What good is a commitment if it means you cant do what makes you happy? What good is a relationship if it means that you cant see eye to eye with the other person anymore? Do we still hang on to our relationships, our commitments, our responsibilities? Even if they really have no personal value in the given context? This puzzles me. It puzzles me to think that my life is governed by the strange laws that my society wrote, in a context thats in no way similar to mine.
Somewhere, deep down, there's a young boy who wants to hear his father tell him stories; there's hidden a young man who wants to run; as far as there's nowhere left to go; to be limitless; to be without boundaries; to be loved but not be bothered if there is no love. Somewhere, there's a man who loves time with his dog and his books, because they don't ask for much to bring you happiness. I don't know how many of these people are within me; clamoring for attention. I hear them every morning and every night, but somewhere in hustle bustle of the day they're lost. I know that it'd perhaps be as simple as the click of a finger (in fact I' sure), but as I said it could be me making it difficult. Who knows... maybe I'll know soon...